Managing Challenging Behaviour: What Is It Telling You?

Behaviour is communication

Almost all challenging behaviour is doing a job. A child who screams when a task is presented, hits when a toy is taken, or runs from the room when it gets loud is achieving something reliable through that behaviour.

This reframing matters because it changes the question. Instead of 'how do I stop this?', the useful question is 'what is this getting for my child, and what could get it more effectively?' Behaviour that is suppressed without a replacement usually returns, often in a less convenient form.

The four common functions

• Escape — getting out of a demand, a task, a place or an interaction
• Attention — reliably producing a response from an adult, even a cross one
• Access — obtaining an item or activity they want
• Sensory — the behaviour itself feels good or relieves discomfort

Finding the pattern

For about a week, note three things each time the behaviour happens: what was going on immediately before, exactly what your child did, and what happened straight after. This is usually called an ABC record — antecedent, behaviour, consequence.

Patterns emerge faster than most parents expect. If the behaviour reliably follows a demand and reliably ends the demand, its function is escape. If it happens mostly when your attention is elsewhere, and reliably brings your attention back, that is the function.

Teaching a replacement

The replacement has to achieve the same thing, and it has to be easier than the behaviour it replaces. If asking for a break is slower or less reliable than screaming, screaming will win.

• Escape — teach a break request: a word, a sign, or a card that always works
• Attention — build in regular, unearned attention, and teach a way to ask for it
• Access — teach requesting, and honour the request as often as you reasonably can
• Sensory — provide an acceptable equivalent, such as a chewy for a child who bites

Prevention beats response

• Warn before transitions, and use a timer or visual countdown
• Use a visual schedule so the day is predictable rather than imposed
• Offer controlled choices — which of two, not whether at all
• Break demanding tasks into shorter chunks with breaks built in
• Notice and comment on the behaviour you want, far more often than feels necessary
• Watch for hunger, tiredness and sensory overload — most difficult episodes have a precursor

In the moment

During an episode, keep everyone safe, reduce the demands and the talking, and wait. A dysregulated child cannot process reasoning, and adding language usually makes it longer.

Teaching happens afterwards, once your child is calm. Consequences delivered mid-episode teach very little other than that adults become frightening under pressure.

Consistency across everyone in the child's life matters more than the specific strategy chosen. A plan applied unevenly is worse than a simpler plan applied the same way by everyone.

When to seek help

If behaviour is putting your child or others at risk, if it is escalating, or if you have tried consistently for several weeks with no change, a functional assessment will identify what you are missing. This is a technical skill, and there is no advantage in continuing to guess.